All evidence points to Switzerland being the most prosperous nation on earth. Where else are all the taxis Jaguars, and the truck drivers decked out in Ralph Lauren polos?

One of the oddest things is hearing contruction workers - true yobbos with their coin slot pants - calling out to each other in French, which still sounds to me like the language of aristocrats, artists and other assorted romanticals (my newly-coined word). Although this isn’t as funny as being in the German speaking part of the country - you haven’t witnessed phlegm at its most prevalent until you’ve heard people speaking Swiss-German.

At night we prowl about Vevey in search of entertainment but for some unexplained reason all the bars and restaurants are shut and barred. The one place that projects any liveliness at all is a sole establishment by the lake, which we make a beeline for, only to find it floating away just as we approach - a party boat.

So, with nothing else to do with ourselves, we strip off and go skinny dipping in Lake Geneva in the middle of the night. Well, that’s not strictly true, but it would have made a better story. What we actually do is trudge back to our hostel and crawl into bed.