To our eternal misery, the Chocolate Train that we’d seen advertised in Vevey runs only from June to October. This is a crushing blow. We’re forced to settle for the chocolate museum instead - Vevey is, after all, home to the world headquarters of Nestle.

Being the sassy and vibrant women that we are, we marched into the factory posing as international taste-testers and demanded to speak with Mr Nestle’s sons, who are reportedly all of marriageable age. Not. What actually happened was we spent our morning wandering around what is quite possibly the most boring museum in the history of the world.

It looked promising at first. The brochure boasted of four floors, each more delicious-sounding than the last: Production, Digestion, Consumption, and Restaurant. But all we found in the first room was a thirty-year old plastic display case, and in the next, and the next, until with increasing panic we surged towards the purported climax - the legendary ‘Nestle room’- only to find it was just a boarding room that happened to be panelled in brown. Oh, the inhumanity.

Half of the displays weren’t even chocolate related: one sign in the ‘Food Room’ informed us dully that ‘Alcohol can cause a variety of problems, including weight gain, if taken regularly in substantial quantities. Alcohol abuse seriously impairs both physical and mental health.’ We all nodded solemnly and wisely when we read this, even taking a photograph for future reference, then promptly forgot all about it.

Next to this was one of those machines that calculates how much exercise is needed to work off the naughtiness of certain junk foods. Our most recent sugary obsession, the Berliner (like a closed donut with jam inside) = 1 match of football. Our minds were cast back guiltily to the day we asked for 25 of these, hoping to get a discount for bulk buying…

The highlight of the museum was without doubt the interactive 3D film about digestion, during which we could be found ducking flying flecks of bile and mucus. The narrator explained ‘Once a certain amount of feces has accumulated one feels an automatic urge to defecate’, and encouraged us to wiggle our joysticks in order to help loosen the stools. Nice.