Not everything lost and gained when overseas is abstract and intangible. Some of it is very much material. Like my friend’s toenail, for example.

And I don’t mean just any toenail: we’re talking the Toemaster, the big fella. Okay, so it hasn’t quite fallen off yet, but it’s rather an interesting shade of mottled purple and it would appear that its dancing days are over. (The wound was sustained sometime in the course of a particularly huge night, possibly run over by the beer scooter?)

Being a bit of a rough and tumble country girl herself (well, as far as one can consider a private Catholic girls’ school in Terrigal ‘country’), Laura has no qualms about whipping out this monstrosity in the presence of perfect strangers and inviting them for a close inspection and a blow-by-blow account of its various bloody phases - always, of course, to our disgusted cries of ‘God, girl, put that thing back in its Ugg boot!’ What we have learned from this episode: falling up a flight of stairs can be just as physically devastating as falling down them.

In terms of abstract gains, here are a couple of other miscellaneous acquisitions:

1. An overly crude sense of nationalistic pride. My bedroom is swathed in magazine cutouts of Oz - who cares if I’ve never been to Uluru or seen the Devil’s Marbles? Details, people!
2. A newfound appreciation for those proficient in the English language. Sure, it’s satisfying to converse with people in a language other than your mother tongue, but it’s also frustrating, demoralising and a downright pain in the bum. My German tutor in Sydney failed to mention that.