1. On account of Wilken packing like a girl, we were frantic that we’d miss our flight to Guilin but we needn’t have worried. We were flying with China Southern airlines and reliable sources have indicated that never in the history of flight has a CSA plane left on time.

Unfortunately, according to said reliable sources their other claim to fame is having the highest number of recorded crashes the world over for twelve years running, which must entail a level of consistent incompetence that is really quite remarkable.

Having boarded at last, we can’t help but notice that of the hundred or more passengers on board Wilken alone, having been seated next to the emergency exit, is handed a safety instructions pamphlet – printed neatly in Mandarin.

No-one comes to check that our seatbelts are fastened or to yell at me for incorrectly stowing my handbag or fiddling with the tray tables, as is customary on such flights. There are no mildly entertaining life jacket demonstrations and just about every passenger barring us continues to bellow into their mobile phones well into take-off.

Nevertheless, despite a rocky landing and a minor incident involving a drinks cart and the curiously malleable head of a newborn infant, we make it safely to Guilin airport, and, eventually, the hotel.

Set between the foot of a mountain and the Li river, it’s a big mudbrick number covered in climbing ivy. Our room, though spartan (by which I mean it has a bed), has a stunning view but on account of its being an eco-lodge you aren’t allowed to put used toilet paper down the loo. Instead, it has to go in the bin below the sink, where it festers audibly as you brush your teeth.